Dear boys who want to be men, men who know they are boys, and those of you uncertain of whether you remain a boy or have become a man, this is for you.
Women want to be loved like this:
We want to be treated with genuine chivalry, and utmost respect and affection like in Kate&Leopold.
We want to be wooed like in The Tourist, You Got Mail, Pride & Prejudice.
We want to be sought after like in The Last of the Mohicans, Slumdog Millionaire.
We want to be valued as an independent like in Elizabeth I, Princess Diaries.
We want to have our honor defended like in Bella, Princess Diaries 2, Les Meserables
We want to fight alongside our lovers like in Robin Hood (Russel Crow), The Two Towers,
Return of the King, Harry Potter.
We want to hold such a weight in the hearts of our lovers like in One Night with the King.
We want our love to be so deeply unbreakable and true like in The Princess Bride.
We don't want to be the leaders, we don't want to play a side role, we don't want sex without your entire self in commitment to us, we don't want to be nice or pretty or tolerable.
We long to be completely worth your time, your body, your devotion, your attention, your will.
We want to be worth you.
But we are not going to settle or less than all of you.
When you know these things. When you heave them in your heart because you comprehend them, then, and only then, are you really ready to woo us.
And do, don't hesitate. If you know her and she's it, then don't be a silly boy who isn't worth it. Become a man, live well, fight for her love and her honor.
And pursue. Lead. Love. and accept all of us who we give over to you, because we'll give it all.
Are you willing to do the same?
P.S.:
you should watch all of these movies with this in mind. nothing teaches better than a story.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Reflecting Upon Relfections + Stories
On Reflections
I just caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.
I was talking to my coworker, Julie, about words. ;)
And I looked at myself. I looked at me. That was me in the mirror. This is me typing.
I am that person. This is what I look like. I am this form, this being, this reflection.
I am both the reflection in the mirror and the reflection of a tri-being immortal king.
What do I reflect?
What image do I cast to those other reflecting (outward lives) stories (people)?
Do I reflect my author?
My mood, my current circumstances? what do I reflect?
Confidence? Patience? Tiredness? Laziness?
Who is me, this person, this shape, this entity taking up someone else's air?
Why do I care?
Because to better know what I reflect will help me reflect well on the whole (either better than before or better from pretty okay). Better reflecting = better story.
And I deeply want to be a story well.
Like someone is a knight in a play, so I am a story in life.
On Stories
We are stories. we exist in stories. stories are our most go-to outlet, our most sought after treasure in all societies. we deeply want to know our story, and either in our pursuit or failure to conjure up the entirety of our own, we glean from many others and invite those to become a part of ours. and tragically, even to the point of when we believe our stories are found wanting we assimilate ourselves into others' that cannot truly become our own.
there is one big story. and that's the one which all of ours flow in and throughout. may our stories become even more deeply known to us. as for me, i want to live my story well.
Vigilantibus fiant. Carpe diem.
I just caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.
I was talking to my coworker, Julie, about words. ;)
And I looked at myself. I looked at me. That was me in the mirror. This is me typing.
I am that person. This is what I look like. I am this form, this being, this reflection.
I am both the reflection in the mirror and the reflection of a tri-being immortal king.
What do I reflect?
What image do I cast to those other reflecting (outward lives) stories (people)?
Do I reflect my author?
My mood, my current circumstances? what do I reflect?
Confidence? Patience? Tiredness? Laziness?
Who is me, this person, this shape, this entity taking up someone else's air?
Why do I care?
Because to better know what I reflect will help me reflect well on the whole (either better than before or better from pretty okay). Better reflecting = better story.
And I deeply want to be a story well.
Like someone is a knight in a play, so I am a story in life.
On Stories
We are stories. we exist in stories. stories are our most go-to outlet, our most sought after treasure in all societies. we deeply want to know our story, and either in our pursuit or failure to conjure up the entirety of our own, we glean from many others and invite those to become a part of ours. and tragically, even to the point of when we believe our stories are found wanting we assimilate ourselves into others' that cannot truly become our own.
there is one big story. and that's the one which all of ours flow in and throughout. may our stories become even more deeply known to us. as for me, i want to live my story well.
Vigilantibus fiant. Carpe diem.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
To you, to me...
(I'm really just going to write this blog to all the ones who I want to, but am not necessarily going to talk to.
Let it be a storehouse of my thoughts that sometimes can be just for me.
A journal, but via the computer, because it will never burn in a fire, nor be inaccessible by most locations.
And because I type faster.)
A blog is an online journal anyway. But this one isn't supposed to be known or public.
For me. And those who love me.
----
Title: What You Probably Don't Know Right Now
Jesus has impeccable, if not frustrating, timing.
Of course within the very day we cease our communication "until Jesus tells you to talk to me again" I have a feeling of dire need to talk to someone.
- I got sick again. Silly MRSA in my silly body.
But this one is so weird. It's so unlike any of the other cases.
- And then I've been in increasing constant pain for a time, since the weather is dry and my skin is KILLING ME it's so irritated. I have super heavy duty lotion that I slather on and on and on.
Not even 20 minutes later my legs are so dry.
I'm starting to take fish oil just to help it.
- And speaking of taking things, I just finally had to make a chart of all the things I need to take PER DAY.
There are currently 9 supplements or antibiotics I must take daily. Ooof.
Big oooof.
And it's rather poochy.
- Then I've been really missing Biola.
Like a tooth that won't stop aching but the doctors can't fix or make better or make it go away. It's there like a dull ache, threatening to swallow up your day. AND I DON'T WANT IT TO! I KNOW I don't live at Biola. I may never go there again. I'm only hoping to in March if Jesus wills it!!!!!
And I DON'T want it to ruin my day to day because it's not where Jesus has me. HERE is where he has me.
I just don't know what to do with missing a people so much.
- And then I'm kinda bummed out about the replacement of community. I mean, really. I can't think of many, if any, relationships right now I have with people dwelling in the Body that are actually edifying!!!
I miss deep discussion about life that simultaneously matter and don't matter.
I miss my guy friends.
I miss my sisters and brothers. I miss my mentors.
I miss being pushed and stretched through RELATIONSHIP. I miss theological conversations.
Why does no one in the real world want to ever talk well?
I miss people my age. But moreather I miss people that love Jesus openly. Who love Jesus well.
My community certainly isn't infested by Jesus loves. ESPECIALLY in the places where there really should be some.
- So being sick, missing people, and feeling isolated with a lacking in the good-community department
all surfacing AFTER I don't get to talk to you anymore.
And I won't. I really won't talk to you.
But you're all around. I know you're out there. Eating, breathing, walking, talking, alive.
I have no idea if you're thinking of me. But I'm just waiting here. Waiting for when, if ever, you'll be "allowed by Jesus" to come back in. (half those words sound like a song of mine....)
And I miss you. Gosh darnit.
I do.
----
And guess what I see Jesus doing?
Removing the things I rely on, even the good gifts from him, to have to really, really rely on Him.
When I'm sick and tired and in pain and frustrated with myself and my life and my circumstances, when I'm feeling foolish and irritated and lonely and feeling like a disappointment or a big glob to my parents or siblings or friends or coworkers or employers. When all those things happen, I have to learn to be with him. To not be lonely. To be with Jesus.
Golly.
I don't even know how. I don't know where to start.
So the desert keeps coming to mind. Specifically in Hosea 2.
The desert is where YHWH brings the unfaithful wife out to, strips her bear, and then woos and allures her.
Wow.
I kind of want that.
And maybe that's this season.
Maybe.
But it's painful.
Talked with Lauren Wilk last night. At least she can, in confidence, say that this season won't last forever. And that all the things I'll be learning will be really, really good.
As for me, I just REALLY want to learn what ever I need to learn and then change seasons. ;)
It sounds nice.
PS:
And besides all those hard things that would be nice to confide in someone about,
I would also delight in sharing with you the joys of getting to see my brother again.
Or relishing the moment when my sister confided something to ME today
Or how cute I looked last night
Or my awkward work Christmas party that was getting to be fun
Or my really amazing Spirit-lead conversation with Lauren last night
Or how I got to rest yesterday.
Or how kick butt awesome my gift collages are turning out
Or how I discovered old dresses of my mom's Mary Kay days and how they fit me PERFECTLY!
Or how I got to watch my cousin's graduation via the internet, but at Biola.
Or really good things like that. ;)
Let it be a storehouse of my thoughts that sometimes can be just for me.
A journal, but via the computer, because it will never burn in a fire, nor be inaccessible by most locations.
And because I type faster.)
A blog is an online journal anyway. But this one isn't supposed to be known or public.
For me. And those who love me.
----
Title: What You Probably Don't Know Right Now
Jesus has impeccable, if not frustrating, timing.
Of course within the very day we cease our communication "until Jesus tells you to talk to me again" I have a feeling of dire need to talk to someone.
- I got sick again. Silly MRSA in my silly body.
But this one is so weird. It's so unlike any of the other cases.
- And then I've been in increasing constant pain for a time, since the weather is dry and my skin is KILLING ME it's so irritated. I have super heavy duty lotion that I slather on and on and on.
Not even 20 minutes later my legs are so dry.
I'm starting to take fish oil just to help it.
- And speaking of taking things, I just finally had to make a chart of all the things I need to take PER DAY.
There are currently 9 supplements or antibiotics I must take daily. Ooof.
Big oooof.
And it's rather poochy.
- Then I've been really missing Biola.
Like a tooth that won't stop aching but the doctors can't fix or make better or make it go away. It's there like a dull ache, threatening to swallow up your day. AND I DON'T WANT IT TO! I KNOW I don't live at Biola. I may never go there again. I'm only hoping to in March if Jesus wills it!!!!!
And I DON'T want it to ruin my day to day because it's not where Jesus has me. HERE is where he has me.
I just don't know what to do with missing a people so much.
- And then I'm kinda bummed out about the replacement of community. I mean, really. I can't think of many, if any, relationships right now I have with people dwelling in the Body that are actually edifying!!!
I miss deep discussion about life that simultaneously matter and don't matter.
I miss my guy friends.
I miss my sisters and brothers. I miss my mentors.
I miss being pushed and stretched through RELATIONSHIP. I miss theological conversations.
Why does no one in the real world want to ever talk well?
I miss people my age. But moreather I miss people that love Jesus openly. Who love Jesus well.
My community certainly isn't infested by Jesus loves. ESPECIALLY in the places where there really should be some.
- So being sick, missing people, and feeling isolated with a lacking in the good-community department
all surfacing AFTER I don't get to talk to you anymore.
And I won't. I really won't talk to you.
But you're all around. I know you're out there. Eating, breathing, walking, talking, alive.
I have no idea if you're thinking of me. But I'm just waiting here. Waiting for when, if ever, you'll be "allowed by Jesus" to come back in. (half those words sound like a song of mine....)
And I miss you. Gosh darnit.
I do.
----
And guess what I see Jesus doing?
Removing the things I rely on, even the good gifts from him, to have to really, really rely on Him.
When I'm sick and tired and in pain and frustrated with myself and my life and my circumstances, when I'm feeling foolish and irritated and lonely and feeling like a disappointment or a big glob to my parents or siblings or friends or coworkers or employers. When all those things happen, I have to learn to be with him. To not be lonely. To be with Jesus.
Golly.
I don't even know how. I don't know where to start.
So the desert keeps coming to mind. Specifically in Hosea 2.
The desert is where YHWH brings the unfaithful wife out to, strips her bear, and then woos and allures her.
Wow.
I kind of want that.
And maybe that's this season.
Maybe.
But it's painful.
Talked with Lauren Wilk last night. At least she can, in confidence, say that this season won't last forever. And that all the things I'll be learning will be really, really good.
As for me, I just REALLY want to learn what ever I need to learn and then change seasons. ;)
It sounds nice.
PS:
And besides all those hard things that would be nice to confide in someone about,
I would also delight in sharing with you the joys of getting to see my brother again.
Or relishing the moment when my sister confided something to ME today
Or how cute I looked last night
Or my awkward work Christmas party that was getting to be fun
Or my really amazing Spirit-lead conversation with Lauren last night
Or how I got to rest yesterday.
Or how kick butt awesome my gift collages are turning out
Or how I discovered old dresses of my mom's Mary Kay days and how they fit me PERFECTLY!
Or how I got to watch my cousin's graduation via the internet, but at Biola.
Or really good things like that. ;)
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Beauty of the Night
Dear You,
I want to share this with you.
I'm at my work, the DQ hotel.
My desk is right near a wall of windows that exit out onto the main deck of the cruise boat.
It's early night in December.
I took a short break for air in this over-stuffy room. It's busier than most nights I'm here. Then again, I'm not here most nights.
I learned this evening a few of the imperfections of this organization. I still love my job and I value the people I work for and work with. I love our clientele and getting to help them. I really do enjoy it all.
Besides the fact that I get to dress up.
Anyways, so I stepped out onto the main level deck. I looked out on the river side. The Christmas lights on the walking bridge- snowflakes shining down on the river- twinkling and moving to unaccompanied rhythm.
It's not very cold. It feels good on my warm and irritated skin.
It feels better on my hot and frustrated mind.
I want to share this with someone, I whisper in unhearable decibels.
I want to share this with you.
I long for you to be here. Seeing me.
I look stunning tonight. Elegant and professional. Classy and cute.
Even my co-workers were a little surprised with how I look tonight.
I could say it's the glasses (yes. they are fake. yes. I just love the look of them), or the heels, but it's really just the whole ensemble. plus my evenstar pendant, which is uber gorgeous no matter what I'm wearing it with. Or maybe it's the other way around. It make everything I wear look uber gorgeous.
So I wanted you to know all that.
I wanted you to know that it's beautiful. I'd love for you to come and share with me the splendor of the lights and the beauty of the night.
I miss you.
~A.
I want to share this with you.
I'm at my work, the DQ hotel.
My desk is right near a wall of windows that exit out onto the main deck of the cruise boat.
It's early night in December.
I took a short break for air in this over-stuffy room. It's busier than most nights I'm here. Then again, I'm not here most nights.
I learned this evening a few of the imperfections of this organization. I still love my job and I value the people I work for and work with. I love our clientele and getting to help them. I really do enjoy it all.
Besides the fact that I get to dress up.
Anyways, so I stepped out onto the main level deck. I looked out on the river side. The Christmas lights on the walking bridge- snowflakes shining down on the river- twinkling and moving to unaccompanied rhythm.
It's not very cold. It feels good on my warm and irritated skin.
It feels better on my hot and frustrated mind.
I want to share this with someone, I whisper in unhearable decibels.
I want to share this with you.
I long for you to be here. Seeing me.
I look stunning tonight. Elegant and professional. Classy and cute.
Even my co-workers were a little surprised with how I look tonight.
I could say it's the glasses (yes. they are fake. yes. I just love the look of them), or the heels, but it's really just the whole ensemble. plus my evenstar pendant, which is uber gorgeous no matter what I'm wearing it with. Or maybe it's the other way around. It make everything I wear look uber gorgeous.
So I wanted you to know all that.
I wanted you to know that it's beautiful. I'd love for you to come and share with me the splendor of the lights and the beauty of the night.
I miss you.
~A.
Dear Me,
Reasons Why:
1. Depth of conversation - wanting to go into the why of life
2. Wants to do everything WELL (living, talking, sharing, dying, reading, listening, being, doing)
3. Has the desire to prepare me for marriage through dating - to be able to hand me off to my husband (...or himself, then) having upheld me in honor and helped me grow and become a better Jesus-lover, and a better bride.
4. Loves beautiful things, especially fashion - appreciates the art of wearing clothes, etc.
5. Doesn't think I say to much, encourages me to say all that I mean to say well "with a resolving chord."
6. Is a Torrey Student = an intellectual ;)
7. Is tall
8. Knows his name, cares about words and their meanings, understands the importance of your name
9. Knows how to be direct and say exactly what's on his mind
10. Refuses to be a part of my identity. Will take no part in it. Wants it to be just me and Jesus
11. Has an amusing sense of humor.
12. Reminds me of Innocent Smith
13. Knows how to listen, values my life and wants to hear about it.
14. Talks at least as much as I do
15. Values his time - knows when to buckle down and get things accomplished (i.e.: chose to study for finals instead of talking to me
16. Writes letters - appreciates the art of letter writting
17. Wants me to live well, speak well, say what I mean, mean what I say, love Jesus
18. Thinks I love Jesus a lot. Very drawn to that. - Jesus told him to look for the girls who love Him.
19. Asks the question: "Not just who do I want to marry, but who do I want to bring as a sister to my siblings? As a daughter to my parents? Who do I want to bring in as a complementing addition to my family?" "You" he said.
20. His mom approves because of my (very good) relationship with my father
21. Establishes value in symbols, aka. his Aragorn's ring
22. Doesn't succumb to social traditions just because everybody else is doing it, aka. his evenstar pendant instead of a purity ring.
23. We had a major depth of friendship where we were not concerned with the typical social standards for relationships (or non-dating ones esp.)
24. WE WERE GOOD FRIENDS FIRST
25. He values good stories, LOTR, Narnia, their authors, HP, etc.
26. Is a bona fide nerd
27. Respects me more since I said I wasn't going to kiss (until the appropriate time).
28. I love being around him, talking to him, sharing life with him during and after it's happened.
29. He isn't going to talk to me again until Jesus tells him to.
Reasons Why Not Yet...:
1. We're not in a place where we can make life altering decisions. Such as moving and settling in a state to be near each other. Because...
2. We're both still in school.
3. I don't know what I want to do or who I want to be when I grow up
4. Living in a long distance relationship is going to be harder than we can realize or imagine
5. We don't actually know each other's families yet. So: I've never seen how he treats his mom.
6. Jesus hasn't said yes, yet.
Reasons Why Not:
1. I don't know if what he is planning on spending on doing with the rest of his life ding (i.e. becoming a lawyer, and what all he's studying) is for Jesus - if it's surrendered, or imposed.
2. I don't know his level of commitment to me, how much he is willing to sacrifice in order to be with me, and to allow me and support me in Jesus' call on my life.
3. If Jesus says no.
1. Depth of conversation - wanting to go into the why of life
2. Wants to do everything WELL (living, talking, sharing, dying, reading, listening, being, doing)
3. Has the desire to prepare me for marriage through dating - to be able to hand me off to my husband (...or himself, then) having upheld me in honor and helped me grow and become a better Jesus-lover, and a better bride.
4. Loves beautiful things, especially fashion - appreciates the art of wearing clothes, etc.
5. Doesn't think I say to much, encourages me to say all that I mean to say well "with a resolving chord."
6. Is a Torrey Student = an intellectual ;)
7. Is tall
8. Knows his name, cares about words and their meanings, understands the importance of your name
9. Knows how to be direct and say exactly what's on his mind
10. Refuses to be a part of my identity. Will take no part in it. Wants it to be just me and Jesus
11. Has an amusing sense of humor.
12. Reminds me of Innocent Smith
13. Knows how to listen, values my life and wants to hear about it.
14. Talks at least as much as I do
15. Values his time - knows when to buckle down and get things accomplished (i.e.: chose to study for finals instead of talking to me
16. Writes letters - appreciates the art of letter writting
17. Wants me to live well, speak well, say what I mean, mean what I say, love Jesus
18. Thinks I love Jesus a lot. Very drawn to that. - Jesus told him to look for the girls who love Him.
19. Asks the question: "Not just who do I want to marry, but who do I want to bring as a sister to my siblings? As a daughter to my parents? Who do I want to bring in as a complementing addition to my family?" "You" he said.
20. His mom approves because of my (very good) relationship with my father
21. Establishes value in symbols, aka. his Aragorn's ring
22. Doesn't succumb to social traditions just because everybody else is doing it, aka. his evenstar pendant instead of a purity ring.
23. We had a major depth of friendship where we were not concerned with the typical social standards for relationships (or non-dating ones esp.)
24. WE WERE GOOD FRIENDS FIRST
25. He values good stories, LOTR, Narnia, their authors, HP, etc.
26. Is a bona fide nerd
27. Respects me more since I said I wasn't going to kiss (until the appropriate time).
28. I love being around him, talking to him, sharing life with him during and after it's happened.
29. He isn't going to talk to me again until Jesus tells him to.
Reasons Why Not Yet...:
1. We're not in a place where we can make life altering decisions. Such as moving and settling in a state to be near each other. Because...
2. We're both still in school.
3. I don't know what I want to do or who I want to be when I grow up
4. Living in a long distance relationship is going to be harder than we can realize or imagine
5. We don't actually know each other's families yet. So: I've never seen how he treats his mom.
6. Jesus hasn't said yes, yet.
Reasons Why Not:
1. I don't know if what he is planning on spending on doing with the rest of his life ding (i.e. becoming a lawyer, and what all he's studying) is for Jesus - if it's surrendered, or imposed.
2. I don't know his level of commitment to me, how much he is willing to sacrifice in order to be with me, and to allow me and support me in Jesus' call on my life.
3. If Jesus says no.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
So Then... (On Trust)
Now that we've kind of covered the why of this whole post, here are some more things I've been wanting to share with you.
Things that match the level of commitment we have to each other.
I wonder if that makes sense.
Anyway:
I've been thinking about the idea of trusting people.
I'm very, very quick to trust people. And to reveal to them parts of me.
Not with EVERYONE... but probably quicker than most.
But really trusting people.
We live in a world where people do things like act like they are your friend, only to sell you something. Or to get something out of you at little to no cost to them.
It's fraudulence. And it's begun to scare me.
When are people being kind to me with no alternative motives? When is someone telling me something beautiful for the sake of being honest? When can I trust people?
And the real answer is, you either can, or you can't.
I don't think I'm capable of not trusting people. I am relational. I'm an extrovert. That's part of what makes me me. I wear my heart out on my sleeves, feel deeply, act passionately, swing the pendulum a lot, etc.
I also feel deeply for people, share in their sorrows. Rejoice in their victories, and deeply desire to help them whenever I can. I want to help people.
What I'm afraid of, again, is being taken advantage of for this desire in me.
Truth says: this is where discernment comes in.
But I often forget to ask the Spirit ahead of time to grant me the wisdom I lack.
Again, people seem so good. So real. So alright to trust. I don't expect the worst from people. Not usually.
Not mostly.
Nearly not ever.
And that scares me too.
I don't want to operate out of fear.
But the realization that people have taken advantage of my kindness strikes a chord of ache in my heart.
I am motivated to not do so anymore.
Or not as much.
-Though I really doubt that that's what I'll end up doing. ;)
But see, I'm trusting you. By the mere fact that you're reading this page right now. That you've been given access to this blog. That means that I trust you.
How do I know you are trustworthy?
I can't. Not totally. I have to trust that you're trustworthy.
Isn't that interesting?
Things that match the level of commitment we have to each other.
I wonder if that makes sense.
Anyway:
I've been thinking about the idea of trusting people.
I'm very, very quick to trust people. And to reveal to them parts of me.
Not with EVERYONE... but probably quicker than most.
But really trusting people.
We live in a world where people do things like act like they are your friend, only to sell you something. Or to get something out of you at little to no cost to them.
It's fraudulence. And it's begun to scare me.
When are people being kind to me with no alternative motives? When is someone telling me something beautiful for the sake of being honest? When can I trust people?
And the real answer is, you either can, or you can't.
I don't think I'm capable of not trusting people. I am relational. I'm an extrovert. That's part of what makes me me. I wear my heart out on my sleeves, feel deeply, act passionately, swing the pendulum a lot, etc.
I also feel deeply for people, share in their sorrows. Rejoice in their victories, and deeply desire to help them whenever I can. I want to help people.
What I'm afraid of, again, is being taken advantage of for this desire in me.
Truth says: this is where discernment comes in.
But I often forget to ask the Spirit ahead of time to grant me the wisdom I lack.
Again, people seem so good. So real. So alright to trust. I don't expect the worst from people. Not usually.
Not mostly.
Nearly not ever.
And that scares me too.
I don't want to operate out of fear.
But the realization that people have taken advantage of my kindness strikes a chord of ache in my heart.
I am motivated to not do so anymore.
Or not as much.
-Though I really doubt that that's what I'll end up doing. ;)
But see, I'm trusting you. By the mere fact that you're reading this page right now. That you've been given access to this blog. That means that I trust you.
How do I know you are trustworthy?
I can't. Not totally. I have to trust that you're trustworthy.
Isn't that interesting?
Because
Dear You,
This is a secret. Just between me and you.
I want (deeply desire and truly long) to talk to you.
To share things with you. I know that's one of the reasons why we'll be together - is so that we will be able to share life.
Already a hundred things have crossed my mind to tell you. Things like I cleaned out a gift from a friend -a car for two weeks, today, and it looks mighty awesome! It was kind of gross. It needed to be cleaned (vacuumed primarily) so badly!
Things like I'm sick again.
Not that I really have been "better" but that silly thing is back again. It's there. A direct attack on my beauty as the image bearer of The Most High.
Things like I miss you and wish I knew you.
I want to know who you are.
I want to know when I get to meet you.
-Wouldn't that be easier? Wouldn't that be the so awesome! Then waiting wouldn't be so hard. I'd still have to wait, but the goal would be in sight! Like finals, or summer vacation, or Christmas. You still have to wait, but knowing they are coming is just superb. It helps.
Not knowing when I've met you, if I've met you, and when Jesus will finally reveal me to you and you to be....
golly. I'm tired of waiting.
I'm always waiting. Sorta.
Mostly.
But what if I have met you? What if I know you? What if we're friends?
---
I want to know you now.
And then my words come back to me.
Instant gratification is never worth it.
So here too it applies.
*deep. quiet voice.*
I love you.
I know I don't know you yet. I don't know you fully.
But I love you.
I have always loved you.
It's not an emotion. It's a choice. I want to love you.
And so I do.
And I'm jealous for me for you. I desire to be me for you. Only yours. Becoming one with you.
And I don't want to deter from that.
So all of this is because I have a huge desire in me to share with you my life.
So instead of sharing all of me to someone else.
I'm taking this place. This sacred and safe place to share depths of me.
Come, Love. As I share life with you.
Can't wait to meet you.
-The Beloved.
This is a secret. Just between me and you.
I want (deeply desire and truly long) to talk to you.
To share things with you. I know that's one of the reasons why we'll be together - is so that we will be able to share life.
Already a hundred things have crossed my mind to tell you. Things like I cleaned out a gift from a friend -a car for two weeks, today, and it looks mighty awesome! It was kind of gross. It needed to be cleaned (vacuumed primarily) so badly!
Things like I'm sick again.
Not that I really have been "better" but that silly thing is back again. It's there. A direct attack on my beauty as the image bearer of The Most High.
Things like I miss you and wish I knew you.
I want to know who you are.
I want to know when I get to meet you.
-Wouldn't that be easier? Wouldn't that be the so awesome! Then waiting wouldn't be so hard. I'd still have to wait, but the goal would be in sight! Like finals, or summer vacation, or Christmas. You still have to wait, but knowing they are coming is just superb. It helps.
Not knowing when I've met you, if I've met you, and when Jesus will finally reveal me to you and you to be....
golly. I'm tired of waiting.
I'm always waiting. Sorta.
Mostly.
But what if I have met you? What if I know you? What if we're friends?
---
I want to know you now.
And then my words come back to me.
Instant gratification is never worth it.
So here too it applies.
*deep. quiet voice.*
I love you.
I know I don't know you yet. I don't know you fully.
But I love you.
I have always loved you.
It's not an emotion. It's a choice. I want to love you.
And so I do.
And I'm jealous for me for you. I desire to be me for you. Only yours. Becoming one with you.
And I don't want to deter from that.
So all of this is because I have a huge desire in me to share with you my life.
So instead of sharing all of me to someone else.
I'm taking this place. This sacred and safe place to share depths of me.
Come, Love. As I share life with you.
Can't wait to meet you.
-The Beloved.
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